Just gotta talk

I decided to do this blog for two reasons: to keep memories I've had in the past and to just talk when I really don't have anyone at the current moment to really talk to. My parents are here, but I've never really been able to talk to them about girls and relationships. So here we go. I'm not going to say "I like", because that's high school stuff. I have feelings for one of my friends. It all started while I was still in school. We had flirted a few times, and I started to become attracted to her. Her personality is just amazing. She loves to talk, knows random facts about everything and is very ambitious. We were fine before anything happened, could talk to each other, and it was never awkward. Then one night we started to hook up, and for some odd reason I stopped it. Maybe I was nervous about crossing out of the friend zone with her or something. For the next few days, I just wanted to finish what I stopped. I kept playing that night through my mind, and just wanted another chance. So, one night, we hooked up, and it was great. Only, I messed it again, by saying twice, "That was weird." It seems after that, it just hasn't been the same between us, which I really hate. We used to be really good friends, and because of my mouth, it's just not the same. I have feelings for her, and she's saying she has them too for me, but I just can't see it. Whenever we're together, I feel like she's trying to avoid me. I want to date this girl, I want her to be my girlfriend. I want to know her favorites: color, animal, place to travel, tv show, song, food, drink, hobby, movie, etc. I already know some of these, but I want to know more. I want her to confide in me her problems, good days, bad days, dilemmas, thoughts, feelings, stories. I want to be the one she calls after a tough day, and just relieves her stress. And I will listen. I love to listen. I'll listen to every word she has to say, and remember every single one of them. When I have feelings for a girl, all my attention goes towards her, that's just the way I function. I want to be the one her friends say to "I've heard so much about you." I want to be the one she says good night too, and good morning too. The only problem, if I say this to her, it might scare her and catch her by surprise. She is an amazing girl, I hope she knows that. Everything about her...WOW