A while

My first blog post in a while. I'm not really sure where to start. So let's start with the fact that I just had my 1 year anniversary at work. I have officially been there a year on Wednesday. I had a catch up lunch Marietta, who started the same day as me. We went through the long-ass orientation day together and she also took me out to lunch for my birthday last year. We went to lunch, and I must've said "Wow, it's already been a year" at least 10 times. I kept saying it, because I was in awe that it really had been a year for the both of us. It was a great year, tremendous learning experience thus far, and hope to keep on the pace I am. I've even dipped my shoes into the world of Vendor management, and oh boy. But I feel myself being consumed by work even at home. I'm taking my work home, not literally, just mentally. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing. If I can't fix something before I go home, I find myself thinking about the problem when I get home and trying to think of ways to fix it. I'm pretty sure this is not good. I want to be able to relax when I leave work, and not think about it at all. I've even had dreams about work that last couple of nights, which I know is not a good thing. I'm thinking of getting some hobbies soon, or something to make me forget about work. Some other shit happened, but that may be a different post, cause I'll have A LOT to say about it.

Just gotta talk

I decided to do this blog for two reasons: to keep memories I've had in the past and to just talk when I really don't have anyone at the current moment to really talk to. My parents are here, but I've never really been able to talk to them about girls and relationships. So here we go. I'm not going to say "I like", because that's high school stuff. I have feelings for one of my friends. It all started while I was still in school. We had flirted a few times, and I started to become attracted to her. Her personality is just amazing. She loves to talk, knows random facts about everything and is very ambitious. We were fine before anything happened, could talk to each other, and it was never awkward. Then one night we started to hook up, and for some odd reason I stopped it. Maybe I was nervous about crossing out of the friend zone with her or something. For the next few days, I just wanted to finish what I stopped. I kept playing that night through my mind, and just wanted another chance. So, one night, we hooked up, and it was great. Only, I messed it again, by saying twice, "That was weird." It seems after that, it just hasn't been the same between us, which I really hate. We used to be really good friends, and because of my mouth, it's just not the same. I have feelings for her, and she's saying she has them too for me, but I just can't see it. Whenever we're together, I feel like she's trying to avoid me. I want to date this girl, I want her to be my girlfriend. I want to know her favorites: color, animal, place to travel, tv show, song, food, drink, hobby, movie, etc. I already know some of these, but I want to know more. I want her to confide in me her problems, good days, bad days, dilemmas, thoughts, feelings, stories. I want to be the one she calls after a tough day, and just relieves her stress. And I will listen. I love to listen. I'll listen to every word she has to say, and remember every single one of them. When I have feelings for a girl, all my attention goes towards her, that's just the way I function. I want to be the one her friends say to "I've heard so much about you." I want to be the one she says good night too, and good morning too. The only problem, if I say this to her, it might scare her and catch her by surprise. She is an amazing girl, I hope she knows that. Everything about her...WOW

WOW

It has been way too long since my last update. I've either been too tired or too busy to blog. Probably the former. First off, I got a job. I am now a junior developer at Fox Rothschild. Just a national law firm located in center city. Couldn't ask for a better to work at. I am loving what I do, and feels good to do that. Going to work everyday, liking what you do. Other than that, I went to the Temple football game 2 weeks ago, which was fun. Went to nyc to visit karina, with mar, seth, and kyle. That was a lot of fun. I am starting to miss college a lot. Granted, I always had homework and work, but I was with friends all the time. We'd go out, stay in and chill, watch movies, study together. I'm not staying I don't enjoy living at home, saving money, and chillin' with my parents. I just really miss having my friends in the house same house to chill whenever. I only know one person who lives near me, and she's in school doing her own thing. We talk like once a month, so I dont know. This other girl I like is sending mixed signals. I just wish people (esp girls) are always straight up with you. No guessing what their thinking; it's so annoying. I realize that no one will ever read this blog. I don't broadcast my URL anywhere and talk about my blog to other people. I'm just venting, and if someone reads this and can relate to it, then great. I've been doing this blog just capture how I'm feeling at different points in time. Until next time...

Change

For the past 21 years, I've been almost the same guy. The guy from the "hood", who is damn proud of that fact. A city boy who embraces his roots, where he came from, and how he grew up. I had a certain swagger about me, wore certain clothes that I was influenced by as a kid. Baggy jeans, ball shorts, sports tees, and sneakers. It was a look I grew up around, and one that I was very comfortable with. I talked a certain way as well, and had this mentality that I was tough to a certain extent. This is all about to change very soon. I am entering the real world, where all of this will not be acceptable. I will have to dress, act, and talk a certain way. Am I ready for this? Most certainly. I think this kind of change is good for me. I am fresh out of college, and ready to be molded to be a mature successful young man with decor. I am ready to be a professional and embrace this challenge. While I will be a mess Sunday night and Monday morning on my way in to my 1st day, in the back of mind, I am very excited for what is ahead of me.

Feel horrible

As the title says, I feel horrible. But not in the sense of being sick. My mom just said that she and my dad miss me. I'm almost never with them when they are in the living room. Whether they're watching a phillies game or something else. It makes me feel horrible, because I love my parents so much, and for my mom to say that to me doesn't make me feel so good. It's just that for the past month and a half or so, my parents have been on my case about getting a job, keeping track of contacts, and where to apply. I don't want to have to go through that whenever I'm with them. So my solution: to stay in my room. Well, my sister is coming home this weekend, so I will be downstairs a lot more often. Let's see if it continues after she leaves.

Happy

I am pretty damn happy right now. I'm getting some job offers, and I have a meeting with this staffing company on Thursday. Im chillin' w/ hayden and joe a lot, playin ball and stuff. I like this girl a lot, and when she get back from vacation, hopefully I'll get to see her and hang out and stuff. The only thing is, is that I'm a little nervous about getting a job. It's like college is over, and once I get a job, I'll be working all week, and not sure if I'll be able to see hayden and joe a lot anymore. It's one of those things every undergrad dreams about, and when it finally gets here, it moves pretty fast. We'll see what happens Thurs though.

so stressed

Ok, so it's hard enough to find a job by yourself, but it's even more stressful when my parents get involved. I know, they're excited for the next phase of my life and they just want to help and they have experience and everything. I get all of that, I really do. It's just that my parents don't understand that I can't apply to just any IT job. My major did have me take courses in more than one topic in the Computer Science field, but most of my courses were geared to teaching me about one thing: Developing. So when trying to explain this to my parents is not always fun. It's hard to tell them and have them understand. Oy Vey!!