Never Again

Well, I only got to see her two days a week: tuesdays and wednesdays. Am I stalker? No. Just someone who appreciates the joy someone else can bring to life. I thought I might see her yesterday, but to no avail. I last saw her last Wednesday, actually twice. During lab, and then with her bf. That was hard to take, meeting her bf. I wanted to see and talk to her on tuesday, but my damn capstone class ran late with my stupid dumb group. I remember the first time I met her, the first week of lab. She left lab, then came back in to do more work. She would not stop talking to me, and I kept laughing. She had already made my day that much better. Unfortunately, I was switched to the upstairs lab, which means I would not be working in the lab where she had class. Every day she had lab, I would print something to the printer in the lab that she was in. Whenever I came in, she would always yell my name, not giving a care how people would react and say. She was always in her own world, and I admired that about her. I was always hoping the worker who was assigned to her lab was out, and I would have to replace them. That happened only once. So, the printer was my only excuse to go see her in the lab. I also saw her sometimes on Tuesdays before my night class. Got to introduce her to my roommates, which was pretty cool. I went to her lab yesterday to see if she was there, and she wasn't. I probably won't ever see again, but at least we're friends on Facebook.

never a best friend

I just realized I never had a best friend in my life. I mean, I've never had a friend who considered me their best friend. People have always either thought of me as their very good friend or just another friend. There's never one person who I can absolutely anything too. I'm not complaining, I have very good friends. I'm not sure exactly what I'm saying right now, but it made sense in my head. Let's say it this way: if I was walking with someone somewhere, I'd know in the back of mind that I was not their best friend. It's weird thinking about it, but I just realized that tonight. So, apparently didn't know what I was talking about. If I'm walking with someone, in the back of mind, I know that person has a better friend. There it is, that's it. That is exactly what I mean.

Old Habits Unfortunately never die

So I've had this problem for almost my whole life now. Words just tend to leave my mouth faster than then are thought of. I was when I was either nervous or not nervous, so basically all the time. I went to speech tutors in elementary school and middle school. I also went to an independent speech specialist. My parents tried all they could to help me, I guess be understandable. I was ok my senior year of high school, and I knew I had to somehow combat my speech problem in college. Socializing and being by myself, I had to know how to people and in front of people. I still slip up every now and then, because even though I picture myself saying the word normally and correctly, I still somehow slur or say it way to fast. It becomes even a greater problem when presenting. Everyone is staring at me and listening to what I'm saying, and I get so nervous. This was the case today for a job interview I had. First of all, I was expecting a old white dude, and got this hot asian chick. So right off the bat, I was a lil' intimidated. If you're an employer reading this, take this advice: DO NOT SEND A YOUG LADY WHO IS ATTRACTIVE FOR THE RECRUITING, SEND MIDDLE-AGED TO OLD PEOPLE. I caught myself just looking at her, and not really focusing in on what she was saying. The VERY first question she asked, I said the answered the whole thing in like 1 minute. After I was done, she asked me, "Do you speak another language?" I spoke so fast, she thought I spoke another language. At that point, the very first question, I knew I didn't have the job. But I had to keep a positive attitude, to keep myself going and not feel awkward or embarrassed about it. So I said no and just told her I was nervous. After that, it got a little better, as I told her about myself and everything. I asked her where she's the company in 5-10 years, and she gave me a good answer. What I wasn't expecting was for her to give me the same question. So I answered it, and she started laughing. This interview was like a kick to the nads. I told her about 4 different things, and she laughed, and told me that was a lot of things and very broad. So then I said that I had no idea to be honest, but probably a consultant. If I get a call back, I'll be very surprised. Horrible interview. Now I gotta start applying to more jobs.

Uh

So by the end of today, I was starving. And normally when I'm starving, I'm either grumpy and quiet or sort of energetic and in a joking mood. Tonight, it was the joking mood. I was having a pretty good night. I see Minh, and I'm like hey, and I didnt hear him say anything back, so I jokingly said good talk. I said this some more, just joking around. Minh goes into his room, and I follow him and says whats up. He responds with "Im bitter and fuck off". Normally, I would think he's joking, but something inside told me other wise. I saw him again downstairs, said what's up, and he again answers fuck off. I don't know if I offended him in any way or made him mad at all. But if he is joking, that wasn't funny. I'm the kind of guy who thinks that if someone is mad at me, joking or not, they are actually mad at me. Especially if I dont know what I did wrong, that really gets to me. I start thinking that I caused him to be mad, then I get mad at myself. The fact that he openly talked to everyone else in the house in the friendly way kinda pissed me off. I'm praying that he was joking. If not, then I feel bad.

awful

Wow, that was one awful phone interview I just had. I have got to be better prepared from now on. Read more tech sites or blogs, or something. My answers were not as thoughtful as they could have been. I stuttered a few times, and I just don't think it was good at all. I dont know what she thought, but that's what I thought. She asked me a lot of questions I wasn't really ready for: What is your dream job title?, What is the best way to write unbreakable code?, What is the best way to make sure a system is always up and running? I guess I should do more research or something. But I am not happy at all at how that interview went. However, I felt the same way about PNC last year, and they asked me to go to Cleveland, so I guess you never know. But in my mind, it doesn't look too promising right now.

Two Weeks

After today ends, the third to last week ends, which means only 2 weeks of school left. Yesterday, we had a lengthy conversation about graduation. Stuff like who was going to the big one, how many tickets we were all going to need, pictures, and all that jazz. It hit me then, that we are actually graduating. I remember moving into White Hall my freshman year nervous as hell. I was pretty sheltered throughout high-school. The only going out I ever did was to Joe's or Hayden's to chill. This was a whole new life for me. Now it's almost all done, and sometimes I can't believe it. I don't have a job yet, and that's pretty scary. The last thing I want, is to be back at home without a job, with my parents down my neck. I want to find one now, and that won't be easy. I partly blame myself, because I probably should have started during winter break, or early on this semester. I thought I had this one job, but the lady told me they had better applicants, which was a shot to my heart. The interview went really well, and the guy even gave her positive feedback on our interview. Someone just had a better interview I guess. Just gotta keep applying, and hopefully something sticks. The only things standing between me and graduation are 3 more blogs assignments, a final project, capstone project, badminton game test, badminton written exam, and a presentation. Then it's wam-bam-thank-you-mam.

Almost There

So graduation is only 4 weeks away, and I got my set of the jitters on Monday night before I was going to bed. In addition, I'm not sure these are related, but I havent been in the mood to go out as much or drink. I've been content to just stay in, play call of duty, or just watch to tv. I'm not sure if it had to do with graduation, or if I'm sick of going out, or if I'm sick of drinking. I honestly don know what it is. Well tonight, is the first night I'm going out in at least 2 months. I honestly dont even want to go out, but I might as well I guess. On a side note, I miss Hayden and Joe. During last summer and this past winter break, I had a feeling that that time would be the last in a while I would get to chill w/ them. Job hunting is going to take time, and I'm not sure how much free time I'll have this summer. It's kind of depressing and a lil scary. I don't know what the future holds, and that is both scary and exciting. Just remember something to say. I wasn't in the mood to go out at all. I was ready play call of duty, but no, the girls convinced me to go. Now, I'm kind of excited to go. That's friends are for, trying to get you to go out to have a good time with everyone else.