birthday

It's the day before my birthday, and I should be happy and excited right? Well, for some reason I fell a little depressed. I don't know why, and I don't want to be, but that's honestly how I feel. I feel like I've built my birthday and this weekend coming up to be so big, that it will be complete bust. I REALLY hope it's not, but I can't get help but feel it. 21 is a really big number, and I feel as though I'm not ready to turn 21. Bars, clubs, buying beer and shit. It shouldn't feel like added responsibilities on me, but it does, and I hate that feeling. I don't want to have to put on a fake face, and act happy. I want to be happy, because I'm turning fucking 21. But for some far unknown reason to me, I don't feel that way, and it fucking blows big time. Hopefully it'll get better later tonight and tomorrow. If it doesn't, then I'm an asshole and jackass. That's how I'll feel, if I feel like shit on my birthday, and my roommates are so happy for me.